1. I am convinced that someone is secretly recording the heart to heart conversations I have with my dog before I go to sleep each night and broadcasting them over the Internet.
2. There is not enough time in the day to watch Dateline: Real Life Mysteries every time it graces my cable box and sustain a relationship with anything other than my couch
3. I give it up like a tee shirt gun at a Nets game, so many a guy has hit this and quit this, leaving no room for anything other than an awkward "see ya around campus" the next morning
4. Jennifer Anniston set me up to fail.
5. The love letters I posted on that guys locker for an entire semester in the 9th grade didn't pan out the way I thought they would
6. I have a Pinterest board of movie stars and I hold every guy I see on my online dating profile to that standard
7. My idea of a bitching evening involves going somewhere that allows me to fart without judgement
8. I still get the American Girl Doll quarterly catalogue and go through and highlight what I want
9. My daddy issues are of the "shower me with gifts to prove your love" variety
10. Yelling out random arrested development quotes whenever I see fit is not deemed socially appropriate in this day in age
11. I am convinced that every guy that sends a smile my way is harboring secret feelings for me and I treat them as such
12. The only person who thinks I'm trendy is my dad
13. I do not have a deep set commitment to personal hygiene
14. I make up words and use them in everyday conversations and expect people to know understand what I mean
15. Not only do I wear leggings as pants, but I wear granny panties under those leggings as pants
16. But I think the main reason why I'm still single though is because I refuse to settle. Because settling is for Pilgrims
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