Hipsters can often be found at the local coffee shop discussing how MGMT really sold out. There is clearly some sort of highly contagious eye disease running rampant through hipsters that can only be cured by Ray Bans. Hipster boys interests include vinyl records, mustaches, and jeans that could easily fit any prepubescent girl. The girls are rocking a solid A cup under their grandpa's old sweater. These ladies have 2 haircuts that they do NOT stray from. The first being "The 50/50"- 50% bangs, 50% face. The other being the "I Just Had A Brain Tumor Removed" as shown with a half shaved head. Hipsters can also be seen whizzing past you on their fixed gear bikes; riding with the pride of a cowboy on a stallion.
The Bromosexual
The Bromosexual, or closeted frat boy, is very rare, but boy are they real. They can be found riding on the back of a scooter with their arms gently wrapped around their fellow Bro, and hoping this "Bro-back Mountain" embrace will stay forever. They are all too enthusiastic to use their family's money on Brooks Brothers and J. Crew shopping sprees. However, they do not come out for fear that they will be denied their trust fund/banned from the fraternity house bathroom.
The Girl Who Is Better At School Than You
She is the one who loudly complains that she "only got a 98" and reminds the professor when they forget to collect the homework. She walks around campus with a look of anxiety that can only be described as "I think I put my tampon in the wrong hole." She will whip out her snake eyed glare if you take her seat from her, and I would wager to bet that she could wallpaper a house with the thousands of note cards in her perfectly organized North Face backpack.
The Foreign Exchange Student
OK, we all get it. You're from China. We know. PLEASE stop the diatribes about how things are SOOO different in America. Foreign exchange students can found holding up the lunch line and asking for directions. Also they walk on the wrong side of the side walk.
The Girl Getting Her MRS Degree
This girl prances into class looking like she is headed to the first round of Miss America. Really the only reason she is here is "to find a man that will love her like her daddy does" (ew.). Laden with a thick southern accent, she spends class updating her Facebook status, flipping her hair, and batting her overly mascaraed eyelashes. The only reason she hasn't flunked out yet is because she has a plethora of boys on hand to "tutor" her. She can often be found on the main floor of the library, but really she's only there to scope out the business majors.
The Kid Who Is Never In Class
"Molly, how can I know this kid if he's never in class" Good question! This guy makes himself known by taking extreme advantage of the "Email All Class Members" button. This kid is filled with excuses as to why they're never in class (my car broke down, I'm sick, I'm not actually sure where class is held). They email asking for notes, answers to study guides, and to ask when the test is. They are there on the first day of class and final exam day and really that's it. While no one is really positive what they look like, I'd bet there is a neck beard and 5 month old pile of laundry involved.
"Hey Guys, what's on the test"
No comments:
Post a Comment