Sext (n): a text message with sexually explicit leanings. including, but not limited to, explaining sexual acts, sending nude photos, and using the imagination and use of spoken word to play out fantasies. The act of sexting is often accompanied by an explicit number of ";)" faces.
"Hey baby, since I won't be seeing you later how about you send me some sexts and we can still have some fun."
For a while, I thought the only people that used the word sexting were concerned parents groups leading workshops about the dangers American children face today, but ohh boy has college changed that opinion. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that they sexted, I would be like.... 35 cents richer. (I think this low statistic is based on the fact that people are embarrassed about sexting, but really there's nothing to be embarrassed about or scared of, except the possibility that someone finds these messages and broadcasts them everywhere. But the chances of that are slim, really.) Regardless, sexting is definitely a cultural phenomenon, but if people are going to continue sexting, they need to learn how to fucking do it. Sexy texting is an art form, not just a means to spend a lonely Friday night. I hate sexting. Like hate, hate, hate, hate, hate sexting. But for some reason, my long distance ex boyfriend loved to sext me, and since I have no sense of self-respect (blah blah blah daddy issues blah) I always was quick to answer with a tantalizingly little nugget that was sure to get the juices flowing (ew bad analogy). However, even though I would send messages, I never actually partook in sexting proper; usually I was just sitting around eating a sandwich. But he liked sexting and I liked him and so thats how we get here. But bless his heart, poor boy was an economics major, and really isn't very good with articulating his thoughts. But his total disregard for the English language provided many lolz. Anyway, I have compiled some of the best (worst) sexts I've ever received from said ex for your reading pleasure below. Please, do enjoy.
- "I want to pick you up and hold you tight and spin you around so you're upside down now and ram it in the whole time."
- OK hold on, what sort of anti-gravity world are you living in that you can pick me up, spin me around and then upside down all while keeping it inside me. Like, instead of having sex in this anti-gravity chamber, can I just float around in your moon room?
- "I have you from behind and I push your face in the pillow so you can't breath and thrust even harder"
- Ohhh baby, yes, PLEASE keep telling me how you're going to smother me and defile my dead body. Nothing gets me hot and bothered quite like necrophilia.
- "I have you on your back, then I take you off the bed, turn you around and put you on the running drier and let you feel it rumble all over"
- Wait... so... you fantasize about one day having sex in the basement of a Chinese laundry room? Cause that is really the only place I can think of that would have a drier running right next to a bed.
But nothing tops the complete creativity and total lack of logic found in sexts like the totally unnoticed typo.
- "I wish my duck was inside you"
- Please keep all farm animals away from my vagina, thanks. Also, I always knew there was something off with that Aflac mascot...
- However, nothing surpasses the tit/tot mix up.
- Napoleon Dynamite would be so proud
That guy and I broke up, unfortunately, well not unfortunately, I found out that he had fetishes WAY deeper than sending dirty messages and I'm not trying to do that nasty. I haven't sexted since him and I've decided that I need to REALLY love someone before I do that again. But, whether you've sexted or not, I think we all can agree that it leaves much to be desired, and it truly is an exercise into the depths of ones imagination. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment