How To Delete Unnecessary Friends From Facebook

I have always been the Queen of Facebook. Don't argue with me. I'm better at Facebook than you are. (That sentence can also be interpreted as: "My life revolves around watching everyone else have fun"). I kid you not, one time I saw this really cute guy in the library and I didn't say a single word to him, but I was able to find them on Facebook within 30 minutes. I'm not sure why I'm bragging about that. Either way, my extreme stalker tendencies have left me with over 1200 friends. Let's be real. NO ONE ACTUALLY HAS 1200 FRIENDS. Especially me. I've tried many times to delete friends but I get through the B's and I'm like well that was fun, I'm gonna go eat a sandwich. But last week I decided to sit down and seriously delete all these assholes infiltrating my life. I made a strict set of rules that I found very helpful, For every person I asked myself a series of questions and based on the answer I determined whether they deserved the honor of being my friend.

Guide to Deleting Facebook Friends

• People You Went to High School With
• The "Former Friend"
• If you've gotten a "Hi my name is so and so, we used to be friends... I don't know if you remember me...?" post in the past two months, delete them. First of all, assholes who say shit like that think they're clever, but they're not, and that right there is grounds for deletion. Next this is the bitchiest wall post in the history of Facebook. Like it seriously is the most passive aggressive thing ever. It's like you eating in a restaurant and having a really great server and then you don't go back to the restaurant for months, but one day you show up out of the blue and go up to the server and say "Hi ummm remember me? you used to bring me food but you haven't in a while... what gives?" Friendship works both way people.  If this person is too stupid to realize that why y'all haven't talked in months is because they suck, then unfriending them will send that message loud and clear.
• The One That Will End Up On Maury
• Everyone has that special someone from high school that they never talked to, but  whose life you can watch fall apart via Facebook status. Is this person addicted to drugs? Is this person going to get pregnant with a bastard child from the guy they've been dating for 3 months? Is this person on the brink of a total mental breakdown? Does this person broadcast their alcoholic tendencies all over your NewsFeed? Is this person going to end up in jail for cooking meth in his mom's basement? Do you want to watch this train wreck happen? yes-keep, no-delete.
• The Sexy One
• This is self explanatory, if you think they're hot, keep them. Moving on...
• The One That's Obsessed With You
• Everyone has that one random person that is all over your Facebook. This is someone you probably never talked to in high school, but after graduation all of a sudden they like everything you put on your page and comment on all your photos. They probably have a file of your profile pictures saved to their computer. You can't delete this poor soul, for all you know your Facebook is their only reason for living. 
• Everyone Else
• If you didn't talk to them in high school and their Facebook is nothing exciting, why are you keeping them around? Really?
• Now Moving on to College Friends, college is different because most of your college friends you have to keep around for some reason or another, you can't just drop them like those high school assholes.
• The People You're in Organizations With
• I can't just unfriend the girls in my sorority that I don't like. You know why? Because we're SISTERS. WE HAVE A BOND. You have to keep these suckers.... there's no way around it. Sorry.
• The Kids In Your Class
• As long as you're in class with someone, you HAVE to stay friends with them. Otherwise, they'll get mad and won't let you cheat off their midterm. But, the second that final is over, you can unfriend. The same goes for people on your hall, the second you move out delete those creeps.
• The People You're Actually Friends With
• Why would you want to unfriend them? They're Fun. 
• Old People 
• People over the age of 35 don't understand Facebook. There is nothing more I want to do then unfriend the people that comment things like "You're growing up into a beautiful young lady! tell you mother I say Hi! From, Barbara." Dammit Barbara, you're sweet thanks. But go away. You can try to unfriend them, but they'll just get confused and re-friend.
• Your Family
• You can unfriend them, but the number of family members you're friends with on Facebook is directly related to the number of presents you get come Christmas time

I hope y'all found this helpful, I certainly did, I deleted 400 people with this little method. And when it really boils down to it, ask your self "If they died tomorrow would I go to the funeral, would I care?" if the answer is No, then they have no place on your Facebook.